Mother Nature has been blessed to every woman with the power to create a new life within her. This is not just a process of creation but it establishes a natural, firm and incredible bonding between a mother and a child. Now the science has also proved this bonding. According to the “Maternal and fetal Micro-chimerism” study during 2002, it was revealed that during 4-5 weeks of gestation, some fetal cells are released and pass on to the mother’s circulatory system. These cells establish physical as well as emotional connection with her child in the womb.
Though, creation of a life is equally contributed by mother and father but a father can never feel the development process. This is the why when a woman gets her pregnancy news, it’s a joyous news for her irrespective of situations (except some cases) while her male counterpart is not always so happy or we can say he takes time to realize the fact he is soon going to be a father.
On the other hand even, when the partner deals with our mood swings, physical exhaustion, unrealistic demands, carvings, fear of labor, her wife feels that he is not actively involved in her pregnancy.
There could be several reasons for his disinterest or resentment like:
- He is uncomfortable with the changes you are facing.
- Pregnancy was not planned.
- He does not know much about pregnancy.
- He wants to involve but does not know how.
- Financial issues are bothering him.
- Feels unable to accept the new role and responsibilities.
- May be he is the first one to be a dad in his friends circle.
- You have obsessed with the pregnancy and child thoughts.
- He feels ignored and neglected.
- Physical changes in you.
Keep your Body and Mind Balance and Talk with Partner
If you are also the one, who is facing such avoidance and disinterest from the partner, employ the below described tips and suggestions so that your husband’s participation and interest in pregnancy lasts till the end.
Stay Calm: First of all do not overreact, chase or demand him when he expresses his feelings. Instead stay calm, composed, positive and resolved. May be gradually, he would realize and join you in half way.
Though, you will have moments with changed attitude and frustration building but just try to be calm and quiet. Sit in a quiet place for a moment and pray.
Give him time: Sometimes, things are not like as they are seen. May be he is not showing care and love towards you due to fear of his own inadequacies regarding his role of a dad. However, with time, he could accept the fact and become happy and ready for his new role.
Let him feel the baby: Try to involve him in your pregnancy by taking him to the appointments. Let him observe the baby through ultrasound and feel the heartbeat. Ask your doctor to tell him your baby’s every part so that he feels connected. At home also, you can keep his interest alive by putting his hand on your big belly or telling him the increasing measurements of your body. Let him feel the baby movements.
Monitor the development together: Watching together the videos and apps of baby development through internet can also help both of you falling on the same page. Sign up to some magazine or email service so that you get weekly videos, baby development, suggestions, tips and advices. The knowledge about every stage of baby development will help your partner visualize that little life within you.
Sharing and Communicating: Compose all the feelings and thoughts of pregnancy and share with your husband. Once he will know the physical and emotional changes of being pregnant, he will care and support you more. If you feel like crying, cry in front of him so that he will console you and make you feel better.
Yet, it is equally important to understand his perspective also. May be you will come to know some childhood stories, worries and fears which has changed his view on parenthood.
Idea of shopping is a good one: Being a man, he may not take any interest to shop for teddy bears, bunnies and cute sleep suits. However, he will always love to research and shop for baby gadgets and equipments. Ask him to do a research for baby stroller, baby monitors etc. He would feel connected and important in the pregnancy.
Antenatal classes: Such classes inform you for the preparations, suggestions and advices. If your husband will accompany you in these classes, he will understand his role in your pregnancy. Moreover, when he will see other father-to-be attending and following the classes, he will do the same with more vigor and curiosity.
In addition to this, he will make many dad-to-be individuals as his friends with whom, he can discuss his worries, thoughts, feelings and interests. May be he could realize that he is not alone to be in this confused state.
Think about the baby names: Ask your partner to suggest some good baby names for boys and girls both. Discuss, argue and have a laughing time when you both sit together working on names. There will be debates but this will keep his interest up in the matter.
Parenting books: Pick some books which target the expectant fathers and at the same time are funny, informative and manly. It should present stories with dads-eye view. My experience says books are great ways to feel connected to each and every aspect of pregnancy be it happy or sore.
Allure him: One of my friends had this bad experience with her partner because her partner felt detached, ignored and lonely after her pregnancy. This caused him to develop a feeling of resentment towards the unborn baby. So, you better not make the mistake. Pamper and allure him by preparing his favorite food or acting naughty at times. This will make him feel important.
Nurture your love: Sometimes physical changes in your body make your partner uncomfortable, though he never says this to you. He desire for that curvy figure in you which is now distorted due to baby. We know that you cannot do anything of this, but the fashionable maternity clothes available in the market can help you look sexy and gorgeous with your extra pounds also.
So just pick the few options walking down the aisle of a mall. Plan a romantic date, or candle light dinner, get flirty and act naughty. Now judge, who is more romantic?
You can also book an appointment for a couple’s massage so that you both get a chance to comfort and care each other.
What to do if my Partner doesn’t Care during Pregnancy
If even after working on above tips, your partner is still unhappy or there are conflicts between you, it’s time to think over your relationship. Your partner is not supportive, always discounts your opinion and stay away from you, then be strong and take your decision. It will be your life which will flip upside down with sleepless nights, dirty diapers, tantrums, exhaustion and also with giggle fits, cuddling naps, baby’s smile or her first moments etc. So, you have the full right to make your choice.
If not able to take decision on your own, take help of some counselor or psychologist and also talk with your family members.
Though, pregnancy is a woman thing but the process requires contribution from both partners equally. Whatever happened is by the consent of both, so it’s the duo duty and responsibility to participate in the development process with similar dedication and devotion. Make your partner realize, get him involved or take help from anyone. Don’t feel bad about it.
When a woman can be enough strong to create a life, these small issues are insignificant. So, just be strong, and pray and hope for the best to come.